Today at Stake Conference* I heard words that I never thought I would hear in church: "Assets equal Liabilities plus Owners' Equity." I immediately perked up and stopped teasing the toddler on the row in front of me. Someone just said the basic accounting equation. What's going on? Hey, the Stake President's giving an accounting talk!
It was an analogy about how our lives are like a Balance Sheet - we have personal assets (faith, charity, good works, etc), we have liabilities (personal weaknesses, things out of our control), you should try to increase your owners' equity (net worth) by increasing your assets or reducing your liabiities, etc. (Incidentally, reducing liabilities doesn't increase your net worth, because you have to use assets to pay off the liabilities. Just FYI.)
In other news....well, there is no other news. I go to work, watch the Olympics, talk to Ed on the phone and wish that the dinner fairy would make me something to eat. Other than that, life is pretty predictable these days. And that's fine by me.
*Mormon congregations are called wards and 6-10 wards make up a stake. Every 6 months, the whole stake meets together in "stake conference." That's where I was today.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Skating with Celebrities
Last year Ed and I got into watching Dancing with the Stars. We cheered when the underdog won and we were sad when Peterman got voted off. We’ve been watching it a little less faithfully this year, but the constant promos for its copycat twin, Skating with Celebrities, caught my eye. Yesterday I checked it out. It’s basically the same format as DwtS– a bunch of celebrities are paired with professional skaters. They skate a choreographed program every week and the pair with the lowest judge/audience score goes home.
Why Skating with Celebrities is kind of lame:
1. It’s harder to learn to figure skate than to learn to ball room dance. This is obvious when you consider that Ballroom Dancing=dancing + walking, while Figure Skating=dancing + ice skating. As a result, the celebrities just aren’t very good and so it’s not that fun to watch.
2. Like cheerleading, pairs figure skating is not very interesting unless someone is getting tossed in the air. The higher the better. Since the celebrities aren’t very good (see #1), there is no tossing.
3. The dancing stars are a lot more passionate (and hence fun to watch) when they perform than the skating celebrities, who look like they are using every ounce of concentration to keep from face-planting.
4. Skating with Celebrities during the Winter Olympics. Bad idea. It just makes the celebrities look even worse.
Why Skating with Celebrities is kind of lame:
1. It’s harder to learn to figure skate than to learn to ball room dance. This is obvious when you consider that Ballroom Dancing=dancing + walking, while Figure Skating=dancing + ice skating. As a result, the celebrities just aren’t very good and so it’s not that fun to watch.
2. Like cheerleading, pairs figure skating is not very interesting unless someone is getting tossed in the air. The higher the better. Since the celebrities aren’t very good (see #1), there is no tossing.
3. The dancing stars are a lot more passionate (and hence fun to watch) when they perform than the skating celebrities, who look like they are using every ounce of concentration to keep from face-planting.
4. Skating with Celebrities during the Winter Olympics. Bad idea. It just makes the celebrities look even worse.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
My Anti-Water-Conservation Rant
A couple of years ago when I lived in university-sponsored housing, some maintenance guy showed up one day with a low-flow showerhead. He told me that he had to install it but not to worry because the new head was designed so that "you won't even be able to tell the difference." I was pretty sure he was wrong and it turned out that he was. The fact is that no amount of nozzle-trickery can make up for a lack of water volume when you are trying to rinse shampoo out of long hair.
Ed has a high-flow shower head at his house and it's making me bitter toward the low-flow piece of crud that's in my shower. It takes me twice as long to shower at my house - seriously. I'm taking a trip to the hardware store. And if they won't sell me a high-flow nozzle, I'm going to buy one from Canada.
Ed has a high-flow shower head at his house and it's making me bitter toward the low-flow piece of crud that's in my shower. It takes me twice as long to shower at my house - seriously. I'm taking a trip to the hardware store. And if they won't sell me a high-flow nozzle, I'm going to buy one from Canada.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Boo Boo the Chicken
I saw this story on CNN this morning:
I'm sure there's more worthy news out there, but you have to admit that this is pretty funny.
A retired nurse saved her brother's chicken, Boo Boo, by administering mouth-to-beak resuscitation last week after the fowl was found floating face down in the family's pond.
Marian Morris said she hadn't had any practice with CPR in years, but she was interested to see if she "still had it."
"I breathed into its beak, and its dadgum eyes popped open," Morris said. "I breathed into its beak again, and its eyes popped open again. I said, 'I think this chicken's alive now. Keep it warm."'
She said she did not know how to find a pulse on a chicken.
I'm sure there's more worthy news out there, but you have to admit that this is pretty funny.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Tax Time
This is a friendly reminder from your neighborhood accountant that it's tax time! Your W2's should have arrived already and if you do your taxes now, you'll have your refund in your pocket in a couple of weeks. With all of the free services that allow you to file your taxes online, there's no reason to wait. Seriously, it's not going to be any easier to do your taxes on Tax Day Eve than to do them right now!
As you may have guessed, I'm in charge of taxes in our family. We haven't formally divided up tasks in our marriage, but so far the following divisions of labor have arisen naturally:
1. I do the dishes (Ed hates doing dishes)
2. Ed cooks (He's just more into making dinner than I am)
3. I do the laundry (I have too many needy clothes to ask someone else to take care of them)
4. Ed takes out the trash and kills bugs (definitely man jobs)
5. I do the taxes (because I have a phd in accounting)
6. Ed does the investing (because I can't stand watching our money bounce around with the ebb and flow of the stock market)
7. We both clean our own bathrooms. We'll see how that one plays out when Ed moves in with me.
Quote of the week: "Honey, you know that hot stock pick you gave me on Monday? It's gone up 7% since then. I didn't buy it."
As you may have guessed, I'm in charge of taxes in our family. We haven't formally divided up tasks in our marriage, but so far the following divisions of labor have arisen naturally:
1. I do the dishes (Ed hates doing dishes)
2. Ed cooks (He's just more into making dinner than I am)
3. I do the laundry (I have too many needy clothes to ask someone else to take care of them)
4. Ed takes out the trash and kills bugs (definitely man jobs)
5. I do the taxes (because I have a phd in accounting)
6. Ed does the investing (because I can't stand watching our money bounce around with the ebb and flow of the stock market)
7. We both clean our own bathrooms. We'll see how that one plays out when Ed moves in with me.
Quote of the week: "Honey, you know that hot stock pick you gave me on Monday? It's gone up 7% since then. I didn't buy it."
Monday, January 23, 2006
Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite
WARNING: THE PICTURES IN THE LINKS BELOW ARE KIND OF DISGUSTING, SO BEWARE IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH ABOUT BUGS.
Bedbugs are making a big comeback in the United States. Once you get them in your house, they are really hard to eradicate because they are tiny and they can live for months without feeding. Often people don't know they have an infestation because at first they think the bites are from mosquitoes or something else.
They can spread from place to place by getting on clothing and then jumping onto someone you rub against or by travelling in luggage. Experts suggest that people avoid bringing used mattresses/bedding into the house and keep their luggage off the floor in hotels. Unfortunately, there's not much else you can do and clean houses are just as susceptible to these bugs as dirty ones. Here's more info:
Really disturbing time-lapse video of a bed bug feeding on a human (seriously, don't look if you are faint hearted): Bed Bug Video
More information about bed bug infestations: Bed Bug Info
Bedbugs are making a big comeback in the United States. Once you get them in your house, they are really hard to eradicate because they are tiny and they can live for months without feeding. Often people don't know they have an infestation because at first they think the bites are from mosquitoes or something else.
They can spread from place to place by getting on clothing and then jumping onto someone you rub against or by travelling in luggage. Experts suggest that people avoid bringing used mattresses/bedding into the house and keep their luggage off the floor in hotels. Unfortunately, there's not much else you can do and clean houses are just as susceptible to these bugs as dirty ones. Here's more info:
Really disturbing time-lapse video of a bed bug feeding on a human (seriously, don't look if you are faint hearted): Bed Bug Video
More information about bed bug infestations: Bed Bug Info
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Vegas Baby...
Well, I'm in the office waiting for a guy to call me from India. I thought this might be an opportune time to do a post--particularly since I am not convinced that he will figure out how to call...He asked me for the country code this morning (the country code of Sunnyvale no less) and I looked it up online. But as I have never called internationally from India (and I thought he was calling from Hong Kong at the time I looked it up) I am not sure there is altogether too much certainty on the subject.
Anyhow, during the first week of January I had a very interesting experience--I went to CES in Vegas. CES is the Consumer Electronics Show and it is a huge convention in Vegas every year. One really interesting part of the experience was the fact that I took a flight out of San Jose. Yes the heart of Silicone valley. A Vegas local was next to me on the flight. Apparently she flies the route regularly and couldn't understand why the usually roomy midday Wednesday flight was full--over-booked even.
Well. I will try and include more about the show later. Suffice it to say, we came out of there fairly unscathed. I only had one friend gamble (at least while I was there). He put in 1$ and got out 1.75$ (of course as it was a coupon and not coin, and he never redeemend it--the casino still won).
Well, more later, I think that I am going to go home now. (I've waited 15 min. I think that is enough.)
Anyhow, during the first week of January I had a very interesting experience--I went to CES in Vegas. CES is the Consumer Electronics Show and it is a huge convention in Vegas every year. One really interesting part of the experience was the fact that I took a flight out of San Jose. Yes the heart of Silicone valley. A Vegas local was next to me on the flight. Apparently she flies the route regularly and couldn't understand why the usually roomy midday Wednesday flight was full--over-booked even.
Well. I will try and include more about the show later. Suffice it to say, we came out of there fairly unscathed. I only had one friend gamble (at least while I was there). He put in 1$ and got out 1.75$ (of course as it was a coupon and not coin, and he never redeemend it--the casino still won).
Well, more later, I think that I am going to go home now. (I've waited 15 min. I think that is enough.)
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Dare not Austria might?
I made it back to California today after a pleasant month in Maryland with Ed. My house wasn't invaded by ants or taken over by spider webs while I was gone and it only took 20 minutes to go through the pile of mail.
I bought a book about World War I in the airport and made some good progress on it on the way home. It's really interesting, but the author has a strange, convoluted writing style that involves really long sentences and way too many commas. Like this:
"Dare not Austria might"? What in the heck does that even mean? Doesn't anyone proofread this stuff?
I bought a book about World War I in the airport and made some good progress on it on the way home. It's really interesting, but the author has a strange, convoluted writing style that involves really long sentences and way too many commas. Like this:
"The only truly transnational religious movement remained, as it had since the collapse of the Roman empire, the Catholic Church, with bishoprics throughout the world centered on that of Rome; it's incumbent in midsummer 1914, Pope Pius X, was, however, a willing prison in the Vatican, a root-and-branch opponent of all modernising tendencies in theology and as suspicious of his own liberals as he was of Protestants."If you can't say a sentence in one breath, it's too long. Here's some strange phrasing:
"It remained to see whether the German Emperor and his government, without whose backing the Austrians dare not act, would support them. Dare not Austria might;"
"Dare not Austria might"? What in the heck does that even mean? Doesn't anyone proofread this stuff?
Friday, January 13, 2006
Getting Out of the House
Yesterday, Heather C. and I went to see an exhibition of rare color photographs from 1939-1943 that were on display in the Library of Congress. Although color photography had been around for awhile by that point (here is a color picture that was taken in Russia sometime between 1905 and 1915), it was still rarely used. The photographs were taken by “approximately one dozen photographers [who] were employed by the Farm Security Administration (FSA), and its successor agency, the Office of War Information (OWI), from 1935 through 1944.”
Most of the photographs are of everyday people living, working and socializing. I loved the vibrant colors. When I imagine that era, the picture in my mind is set in drab, washed-out colors. I was really surprised by the bright colors - in clothing, in the landscape and in little details like red fingernail polish. This is one of my favorites: Woman building a dive bomber.
All of the pictures in the exhibition can be viewed online here, but the colors are somehow less vibrant on the computer screen than they were in person. If you are in the D.C. area, it is definitely worth the trip to go see the exhibit. It is on view until January 21. You can read more about it here. From that link you can also get to the Library of Congress’s collection of over 160,000 photos (mostly black and white) from that era.
Most of the photographs are of everyday people living, working and socializing. I loved the vibrant colors. When I imagine that era, the picture in my mind is set in drab, washed-out colors. I was really surprised by the bright colors - in clothing, in the landscape and in little details like red fingernail polish. This is one of my favorites: Woman building a dive bomber.
All of the pictures in the exhibition can be viewed online here, but the colors are somehow less vibrant on the computer screen than they were in person. If you are in the D.C. area, it is definitely worth the trip to go see the exhibit. It is on view until January 21. You can read more about it here. From that link you can also get to the Library of Congress’s collection of over 160,000 photos (mostly black and white) from that era.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Geography Quiz
Yesterday Ed was making fun of me because I had just discovered that Michigan has an upper peninsula. It's not my fault. When I was little we had a wooden United States jigsaw puzzle where each state was a puzzle piece. But since the two pieces of Michigan aren't attached, it only had the mitten-shaped piece as a puzzle piece and the upper peninsula was painted on the edge of the board between Lake Superior and Lake Michigan. So how was I supposed to know that the chunk between the two lakes was actually part of Michigan?
Today I redeemed myself. I discovered an online U.S. map puzzle where you use the Great Lakes as a reference and drag all of the states to their proper position. Ed and I entertained ourselves for 15 minutes racing to see who could do it first. Final score: Me 3, Ed 1. He claims he was having technical difficulties.
Today I redeemed myself. I discovered an online U.S. map puzzle where you use the Great Lakes as a reference and drag all of the states to their proper position. Ed and I entertained ourselves for 15 minutes racing to see who could do it first. Final score: Me 3, Ed 1. He claims he was having technical difficulties.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Triple-Country Day
We had our first two international readers today - in Canada and England. (You can see where our readers are reading from if you scroll all the way down and click on the Site Meter icon. On the left of the Site Meter page, under "Recent Visitors", click on 'By Location' and you can see a list of what cities they are in.)
How I am Tormented Yet Again by Microsoft
A new computer virus mushroomed over the weekend. According to this story:
In the meantime, Microsoft recommends reading your email in plain text mode (instead of html mode). That way, no images load. How do you do that in Microsoft Outlook 2002? The instructions on the Microsoft website start out like this:
"what makes this threat particularly vicious...is that unwitting victims can infect their computers simply by viewing a web page, e-mail, or instant message that includes a contaminated image. That differs from most virus attacks, which require a user to actually download an infected file."Microsoft promises to have a patch out by next week.
In the meantime, Microsoft recommends reading your email in plain text mode (instead of html mode). That way, no images load. How do you do that in Microsoft Outlook 2002? The instructions on the Microsoft website start out like this:
WARNING: If you use Registry Editor incorrectly, you may cause serious problems that may require you to reinstall your operating system. Microsoft cannot guarantee that you can solve problems that result from using Registry Editor incorrectly. Use Registry Editor at your own risk.If I do it wrong, I might have to reinstall my operating system? Nice. It's a little easier with Outlook 2003. Here are the complete instructions for both Outlook versions.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Happy New Year!
Yesterday we enjoyed Boston's First Night. Amazing.
Boston does this big thing every year which allows people to buy a $15 button/pin and gain entrance to many many many activities. This was our day:
- Otis House Museum (a grand post-Revolutionary War house that has been set up for a New Year's Dinner, circa 1796)
- Boston Museum of Science (the math section had such sophisticated stuff that Susheem and I decided we'll have to study up before we take our kids there)
- Ice sculptures on the Boston Common (they are *huge* and lit up with colorfull lights. It started to softly snow when we were walking through and made it very romantic.)
- Grand Procession (the parade)
- organ, timpani and brass instrument concert in the Old South Church. (900 people singing Auld Lang Syne together as a finale - amazing.)
- Anime show - they had different different shows every 30 minutes.
- Gospel octet
- modern dance troupe
- Duncan Sheik concert
- fireworks out on the pier
And we had many many more options. There are tons of family-friendly activities and choices, a lot of interesting musical performances, several dance events (we were tempted to go to a swing dance thing, but were pretty tired by that time), movie and short-film showings, and more happening all over the city.
Boston does New Years Eve well. Even though it's 20 degrees out. I am impressed.
Boston does this big thing every year which allows people to buy a $15 button/pin and gain entrance to many many many activities. This was our day:
- Otis House Museum (a grand post-Revolutionary War house that has been set up for a New Year's Dinner, circa 1796)
- Boston Museum of Science (the math section had such sophisticated stuff that Susheem and I decided we'll have to study up before we take our kids there)
- Ice sculptures on the Boston Common (they are *huge* and lit up with colorfull lights. It started to softly snow when we were walking through and made it very romantic.)
- Grand Procession (the parade)
- organ, timpani and brass instrument concert in the Old South Church. (900 people singing Auld Lang Syne together as a finale - amazing.)
- Anime show - they had different different shows every 30 minutes.
- Gospel octet
- modern dance troupe
- Duncan Sheik concert
- fireworks out on the pier
And we had many many more options. There are tons of family-friendly activities and choices, a lot of interesting musical performances, several dance events (we were tempted to go to a swing dance thing, but were pretty tired by that time), movie and short-film showings, and more happening all over the city.
Boston does New Years Eve well. Even though it's 20 degrees out. I am impressed.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
For All You Canadians Out There...
Heather and Erin, this one's for you: Attack Beaver
(It's a 30-second video, so it might take awhile to load if you're on dial-up.)
Or if you're a fan of the Chronicles of Narnia, check out the Chronicles of Narnia Rap. It was broadcast the week before Christmas on SNL. Somehow it gets funnier every time you watch it.
(It's a 30-second video, so it might take awhile to load if you're on dial-up.)
Or if you're a fan of the Chronicles of Narnia, check out the Chronicles of Narnia Rap. It was broadcast the week before Christmas on SNL. Somehow it gets funnier every time you watch it.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Staying Sane in Suburban Maryland
I've been staying at Ed's house for the last week and a half. He gets up and goes to work in Washington D.C. every morning and I get up and go in the next room
and try to think up some new brilliant "accounting research" ideas to work on all day. Being in a small room with bright red shag carpet and no one to talk to all day is starting to eat at my brain, as evidenced by the conversation we had yesterday while I was laying in bed watching him get ready for work:
"I'm wearing these jeans to work because they match this shirt."
"And because it's casual Friday."
"It's not Friday. It's Thursday."
"Really? Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Thursday comes after Wednesday, which comes after Tuesday. I'm surprised you didn't know that."
"Oh. I really thought it was Friday."
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
My New Favorite Blog (Other Than This One, of Course)
Check out the BPS Research Digest blog. Every two weeks, they post a bunch of short articles summarizing some of the most interesting recent research results that have appeared in the British Psychological Society Research Digest.
Here are some interesting recent posts:
Imaging the Brain to Control the Mind
Virile Artists to Blame for Schizophrenia's Prevelance?
Trying to Predict Who Will Be a Happy Doctor (That one's for you, Heather)
Here are some interesting recent posts:
Imaging the Brain to Control the Mind
Virile Artists to Blame for Schizophrenia's Prevelance?
Trying to Predict Who Will Be a Happy Doctor (That one's for you, Heather)
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Southwest Airlines Rocks
I arrived at Ed’s house safe and sound today.
I had a flight from Oakland to Baltimore with a 25 minute layover in San Diego. Having a layover that short is cutting it close, but Southwest is notoriously on time (and usually early) so I wasn’t too worried. When we left Oakland 15 minutes late, I started getting worried. Really worried.
I asked the flight attendant when we would be arriving and told him that I was worried, and in a happy, cheerful, Southwest-flight-attendant fashion, he said “Don’t worry, we’ll get you there. Do you have your running shoes on?”
A few minutes before landing he came over and told me that we would be arriving at gate A1 and my plane was leaving from A10 ten minutes later. Okay. Cool. No problem. Then he said “although it sounds like it should be easy to get from A1 to A10, you actually have to go out and come back in through security.” What? During the Christmas rush? In 10 minutes? Are you smoking crack? Then he told me that there were 8 of us trying to make that flight and that a Southwest employee would be waiting to escort us over. Okay, maybe the Southwest dude can bribe the security people to let us go to the front of the line.
But when we got off the plane, they kept us in a little group and took us out the little door of the jetway. We went down the stairs to the tarmac where they walked us over to the other plane. Then we went up the little stairs next to the jetway and hopped on our plane. It was very cool. Definitely thinking outside the box.
The other plane was not very far away and it was at the same terminal, so what’s up with having to go through security again? At most airports you can get to any gate once you are through security. I’m adding San Diego to my lists of airports to avoid for layovers.
The other one on the list is Reno, where the terminal is full of slot machines that make loud obnoxious noises. The worst offender is the Wheel-of-Fortune-themed machines that start playing music every 2 or 3 minutes with a loud voice that says “Wheel! Of! Fortune!” An hour of that is enough to drive anyone stark raving mad.
P.S. It was sunny and 75 degrees in San Diego. Remind me why I don't live there? Oh yeah, the job thing.
I had a flight from Oakland to Baltimore with a 25 minute layover in San Diego. Having a layover that short is cutting it close, but Southwest is notoriously on time (and usually early) so I wasn’t too worried. When we left Oakland 15 minutes late, I started getting worried. Really worried.
I asked the flight attendant when we would be arriving and told him that I was worried, and in a happy, cheerful, Southwest-flight-attendant fashion, he said “Don’t worry, we’ll get you there. Do you have your running shoes on?”
A few minutes before landing he came over and told me that we would be arriving at gate A1 and my plane was leaving from A10 ten minutes later. Okay. Cool. No problem. Then he said “although it sounds like it should be easy to get from A1 to A10, you actually have to go out and come back in through security.” What? During the Christmas rush? In 10 minutes? Are you smoking crack? Then he told me that there were 8 of us trying to make that flight and that a Southwest employee would be waiting to escort us over. Okay, maybe the Southwest dude can bribe the security people to let us go to the front of the line.
But when we got off the plane, they kept us in a little group and took us out the little door of the jetway. We went down the stairs to the tarmac where they walked us over to the other plane. Then we went up the little stairs next to the jetway and hopped on our plane. It was very cool. Definitely thinking outside the box.
The other plane was not very far away and it was at the same terminal, so what’s up with having to go through security again? At most airports you can get to any gate once you are through security. I’m adding San Diego to my lists of airports to avoid for layovers.
The other one on the list is Reno, where the terminal is full of slot machines that make loud obnoxious noises. The worst offender is the Wheel-of-Fortune-themed machines that start playing music every 2 or 3 minutes with a loud voice that says “Wheel! Of! Fortune!” An hour of that is enough to drive anyone stark raving mad.
P.S. It was sunny and 75 degrees in San Diego. Remind me why I don't live there? Oh yeah, the job thing.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Home Free
Two hours ago I posted my students' final grades and finished teaching. Yippee!
Tomorrow I head to Ed's house for a month where I will be relaxing and thinking up new research ideas.
I will be calling upon all of my efficient packing skills to pack a month's worth of stuff in a carry-on bag (I have to admit that I do keep a few clothes at Ed's house so that I don't have to bring them back and forth). Last time I checked luggage on Southwest Airlines at the Oakland airport at Christmas time, there was a three-hour line. Everyone was missing their planes and they were putting them on the next available flight once they got through security.
When people complained, one of the Southwest employees said "we weren't expecting this many people today." Um, Southwest is the only airline in that terminal. Did they not know that they sold tickets to all of those people?
Tomorrow I head to Ed's house for a month where I will be relaxing and thinking up new research ideas.
I will be calling upon all of my efficient packing skills to pack a month's worth of stuff in a carry-on bag (I have to admit that I do keep a few clothes at Ed's house so that I don't have to bring them back and forth). Last time I checked luggage on Southwest Airlines at the Oakland airport at Christmas time, there was a three-hour line. Everyone was missing their planes and they were putting them on the next available flight once they got through security.
When people complained, one of the Southwest employees said "we weren't expecting this many people today." Um, Southwest is the only airline in that terminal. Did they not know that they sold tickets to all of those people?
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Ode to Microsoft Word
How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.
I hate thee for thy paperclip that won’t
get out of sight, I hate thee when thou
freezest up, oh yes, with all my might.
I change my doc to landscape view, inserting
columns too. I change my mind and put it back
but just get grief from you. The margins are
too wide you say, the column widths too great.
You will not change it back for me, despite
my growing rage. There are no columns now,
you dolt, don’t tell me that there are. I turned
them off and all I want is what I had before.
I loved thee once, in times long past, you seemed
so wondrous then. I’d leave thee if I could, but
now that Microsoft has a freaking monopoly on the whole world, I can't!
I hate thee for thy paperclip that won’t
get out of sight, I hate thee when thou
freezest up, oh yes, with all my might.
I change my doc to landscape view, inserting
columns too. I change my mind and put it back
but just get grief from you. The margins are
too wide you say, the column widths too great.
You will not change it back for me, despite
my growing rage. There are no columns now,
you dolt, don’t tell me that there are. I turned
them off and all I want is what I had before.
I loved thee once, in times long past, you seemed
so wondrous then. I’d leave thee if I could, but
now that Microsoft has a freaking monopoly on the whole world, I can't!
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